Party Invitations and Circles

Once upon a time, there was a little girl. I think she was a nice little girl, a cute little girl. For whatever reason, there were a couple times when her peers had parties, and her invitation must have gotten lost in the mail because she was the only one not invited. She would hear others laughing and chatting about the party, only to find out that the invitation was not lost. It was simply not sent; her presence at the party was not wanted. Ouch.

When it came time for the little girl to have her birthday party, her hurt feelings and immaturity got the best of her. She explained to her mother that she wanted to invite everyone except...

This little girl had a very wise mother who explained that trite, old saying that "two wrongs don't make a right". It is not proper etiquette, nor is it kind to invite an entire group of people and exclude one or two.

As the little girl grew up, as all little girls do, she learned about invitations and circles. A friend of hers that she worked with was getting married. Due to the size of the families, and the high-cost of weddings, this friend could not invite the entire team at work to the wedding, so she made the tough decision not to invite anyone from work. Period.

She explained that an unedited guest list consists of multiple of circles, each individual circle representing groups of interrelated people. Once a circle is started, it must be finished, or else feelings could be hurt. The grown up girl felt sorry to have missed this friends wedding, but understood her point and respected her honesty and concern for the team's feelings. Sometimes doing the right thing means making sacrifices. It is always easier to explain that no one from a particular group is invited as opposed to trying to explain why a select few were not.

This is not to say that guest lists cannot be restricted - they can and should be. When dealing with a group of people that, in one way or another, function as a team, or another unit of some kind, much care needs to be taken. The circles must be formed the entire circle invited or not invited. If separate circles cannot be formed, everyone is invited. It is a safe policy.

The only exception that may exist is blatantly cruel honesty - going to that person and telling them that there is an event, and everyone is invited except them. If one is not willing to take that step and tell the person to their face, then there should be no exclusion. It puts anyone attending the party in an awkward position. Out of hurt and embarrassment, the uninvited will rarely confront the host, rather, they will discuss the matter with the other guests.

Does everyone have a right to choose who they invite to their party? Absolutely. In this grown up girl's opinion, however, having the right to exclude someone does not make the exclusion the right action to take. No one wants to be the one singled out. Do you?